Humps My Arse!!!!

Road Humps.

Feck me, is Sandwell not the worst place to drive a car in the entire universe?

We must have more sleeping policemen than real feckers.

What is it with the Road Planning Department at Sandwell? Have they all gone barmy or are they holding an office competition to see who can feck the most roads up?

There are lumps and humps everywhere. Even Ashtree Road, by my mom’s, which is never gonna be sped upon, being as narrow and car-jammed as it is, now has speed humps.

God help you if you’re being taken to hospital.

I’m fed up of having to apologise to Jo about going over a hump in the road too quickly (that almost sounds like she moans when I hump too quickly – hey, I like that). :o)

Jo has a very serious back complaint (not my fault). Last year, she had a major operation on it (Microdiscectomy). It only takes a “jolt” to get her problem aggravated (I nearly said “It only takes a little one to get her on her back” but I thought better of it).

I drive quite casually. I ain’t in any kind of a hurry. I just amble along happy to get there eventually. However, despite my view as to my speed, I must go too quickly for Jo’s liking (as every road hump throws us against the roof of the car. “Ooops. Sorry Darling………… Whoops!..... Sorry Darling…………. Oooops……”).

Why do we need road humps? Don’t we have enough Speed Camera’s or something?

The amount of wear and tear that these road humps cause must be considerable too.

I wonder…… what if someone decided to take Sandwell M.B.C. to court.

I can imagine the Judge …….(Adopts a deep booming voice) … “Sandwell Norman Stanley Fletcher. This is not the first time you have been brought before this court. You are charged with employing an excess of speed humps”. Sorry. Drifted off the path there. Seriously though, could we, or someone, argue the case that Sandwell have been responsible for the excessive wear and tear on the shockers and wheels of their car? I’d like to think so. And this ain’t me jumping on one of these Americany Blame/Claim thingies. I don’t want “Injury-Lawyers-4-U” on the case, thank you very much. I want a simple guy who just gets on with his job. My car’s knackered and I blame you, sort of thing. I don’t want sensationalism, just a quiet result.

It would only take one winning claim to get the JCB’s out. Overnight the fecking things would disappear from our streets. All I want is one brave soul to take em on. Come on. You know its you, don’t you. Do us all a favour.