Joseph Bazalgette would spin in his grave.

Burnt Tree Island.

What a feckin mess.

Tell me. Have you ever seen anyone actually working on the feckin thing or is it just a designated practice area for maniac digger drivers?

I see a hole cordoned off by bollards, traffic cones and yellow meshing and I can’t help wondering what the hole is for and why it has been dug. Why has it been dug? Any idea’s anyone?

According to Sandwell’s website (just type in “Burnt Tree Island” on Google, you’ll find the link) the initial stages of the project will be taken up with redirecting Gas, Electricity and Water supplies.

That’s alright then.

Feck off!!!

Redirecting Gas, Electricity and water may well be quite a job, but surely to Christ it ain’t so big a job that it takes years.

When Joseph Bazalgette gave Victorian London a Sewerage System it took him 10 years altogether. 10 years. But his system was over 83 miles of massive brick-built mains sewers plus 1,100 miles of smaller “street” sewers. These tossers at Burnt Tree have got a few hundred yards to sort out. If they’d been in charge of Bazalgette’s project, they’d still be down there now.

Have you seen the signs for the “Expected Date of Completion”? Its scheduled to be a right feckin mess until sometime when your grandkids will be leaving school.

That’s just so much feckin bollocks I really can’t see how the “Construction Partners” (as Sandwell M.B.C put it) Carillion Construction Ltd, get away with it. I mean. It’s ludicrous.

I remember when they made wholesale changes to the Birchley Island (which you’ll note is much larger, has more exits and is right on a feckin motorway). It took days. A week – tops. They got on with it as soon as the busiest traffic times eased up and sorted the fecker out, mainly overnight.

What are they up to at Burnt Tree? I’ve been on Sandwell’s website and there in black and white, “The scheme is expected to take 21 months to complete”.

Feckin Jesus.

It’s a good job there ain’t a war on.

21 months. That’s almost enough time for a “white elephant” to have a baby “white elephant”.

And how much is this baby elephant costing?

£12.3 MILLION. You could buy a fecking football player for that.

£12.3 Million that is, until the costs start accumulating. And accumulating. And accumulating. £11.8 Million provided by The Department Of Transport (i.e. you and me who have to pay through our arses for Road Tax that we’re told keeps going up as some sort of “green tax” on fossil burning fuels, bollocks and bullshit). The rest paid for by ……. Wait for it…… Yes, you guessed it. YOU AND FECKIN ME.

I can’t believe that this is all gonna be for the better either. They’re changing a 5 exit island into a 4 exit set of traffic lights.

Ask yourself where you sit in traffic the most. Is it waiting to get onto an island or is it at traffic lights? I believe it’s an easy question. I live between Birchley and Burnt Tree, which for different reason have always been too busy. Birchley, for a start is too big, I reckon. Cars get too much speed up as they go around and that makes it harder to enter the traffic flow. Living between these monster islands gives you a negative attitude to islands. Most Islands are easy to enter and exit. Think about a drive from Oldbury through Smethwick (A457). Loads of Islands. Easy peasy. Compare that with the Wolverhampton Road (A4123). Hundreds of traffic lights and it takes three days to get from Oldbury to Wolverhampton. Not that you’d ever want to go to Wolverhampton, but you see my point.

Islands are better for traffic flow than Traffic Lights. Absolutely definitely.

The world’s gone mad. And we just sit there, in the traffic queue, staring open-mouthed at the miles and miles of yellow meshing as no fecker does anything.

Feckin un-bloody-believeable.