UP THE FECKIN' DOLLS HOUSE

So. We have a “stay of execution”.

Mr Jobsworth from Sandwell M.B.C. came to see me in a much lighter mood than he had telephoned me and luckily, I received him in a lighter mood.

What, on the telephone had seemed so final and resigned became a “how can we sort this out”.

I maintained my innocence throughout. I told him who many of the guys here are telling me the complainant is. I told him to look at the history. Sift through your files and see how many complaints you have had from people about ‘The Dolls House’ and then compare that with this list of complaints you have had from this arsehole. You will find that the list is the same. There is only ever one person, as far as we know, who has ever raised these complaints against us. It’s clear to me that I am not the nuisance neighbour but the one with a nuisance neighbour.

Mr Jobsworth couldn’t confirm or deny this, obviously, but he promised to investigate. He wont. I know he wont. He’ll just go back to his suduko and plastic cup of coffee.

The outcome is that I’m still living under an axe, waiting to fall (or is it Maxwell’s Silver Hammer), and I’ve gotta comply with a few technical improvements to the fabric of the building (i.e. Window Locks (to prevent you, the public, from chosing to open the windows, even if it’s as hot as hell) and a “Automatic-Cut-Off-System” linked to the fire exit, so if anyone opens it, the music stops).

That’s not too bad. I can suss out the technicalities of the cut-off switch easy enough and screw-down window locks aint a fortune.

The threat still hangs in the air though, stinking like a Frenchman.

Mr Jobsworth wouldn’t come outside to listen to the noise level himself, stating some bullshit like “it wouldn’t be the same now, at 3p.m. as it would at night. You’ve got no road traffic noise at night, so we’d hear your karaoke music louder at night than in the day”. I was so thrown by this scientific inovation that I couldn’t think how to argue. Now I think about it, my argument should have been obvious. I should have told him it was bullshit.

The way I see it, Mr Jobsworth and his team of knobless fuckwits are happy to close me down with just their opinions and that of my nuisance neighbour. I want evidence, not opinion. The next time this demon comes knocking I will refuse to talk and "have a meeting". I want them to take me to court. I'm sure the courts don't deal in opinions. Evidence, I'm sure, is what they need, so feck em.

Anyway. I’m still in the shit but it ain’t quite the end of the road for us just yet.

As my mate Big Shell says “UP THE FECKIN’ DOLLS HOUSE”.